some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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