3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
we're so committed to being not committed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
