Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
