Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
