And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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