i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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