i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
