I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
