So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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