dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
