She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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