well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
