flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
