Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
