apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
