Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
