There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
