I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
