I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize