I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
And then he peed in my hair
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