It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
