i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
