I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
