we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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