brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
