He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
