And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
