I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
