The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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