i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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