i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
