I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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