Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
