In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
