i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Randomize
