LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
