$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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