dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize