dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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