someone threw a dead crab at me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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