Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
