I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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