at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
