I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
don't judge my taste in strippers
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
