my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
And then he peed in my hair
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
