i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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