That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
