Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
