Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
