You made me cry and you don't even care
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
