So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
