I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
