I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
