Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
