she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
