you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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