I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
