you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize