I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
