every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he puts the penis in happiness.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
