C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize