note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
