someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
