My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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