There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
