My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
