In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
