I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
