Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
