I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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