apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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