Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
should my penis look like a turkey
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
