No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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