The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize