your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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