I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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