If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
