I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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