You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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