tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
