Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
