new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
