god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
