We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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