UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
