Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
And then he peed in my hair
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