Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
