If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
