Betty ford says i'm here all night
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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