No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
