she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
