Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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