Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
