Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
