Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
