Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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