Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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