You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
